Instructions

There are several things you can do this week to take the ideas home with you. You can do them in order or not. You can do all of them or some of them. If you already have a devotional or quiet time you could use these as part of that time, or not. It is your choice. The important thing is to make choices with the leading of the Holy Spirit towards the ideals, values and future relationship that you really want.

Below are daily ideas to focus on that carry the ideas from the small group home with you. It is in your daily life, at home, with people you spend time with where your life is shaped into the life you want it to be. See if these fit into the values and ideals of the spouse, neighbor, church member, parent, family member, co-worker... that you are meant to be. This applies to any relationship but we invite you to focus especially on applying these ideas in your marriage.

You do not need to do these together- some couples may want to do them together and if you both want to do that, its OK. Mny couples may find that doing it separately and then sharing what you learned as your drive to group each week works great for you. The most important thing is that you spend time regularly focused on things that really matter to you, whether or not you do it together.

What is most important is that it fits you and God's working plan for your life and marriage.

Enjoy!

FIRST FOCUS: Poetry on Colossians 3

Since: What is the effect and impact on being “raised with Christ”? What does it mean and how is it a real thing…not just “religious words”?

Scripture: Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. Col 3: 1-4

Reflect or journal about these questions

1) “Since” means to affirm your union with Christ by faith—What is the role of FAITH in Marriage?

2) “Since” means you let your union with Christ shape your relationship with God. In what ways might you act differently than if the “since” never occurred?

3) “Since” suggests that your union with Christ change the very atmosphere around your lives. How can the tone/tenor/and attitude in your home be affected by “since”? Watch this brief video (3 minutes; 41 seconds):

Paul will teach us that the “since” is followed by qualities. These qualities changed the world…and it can change our marriages. Listen to this artist describe the “big idea”.

SECOND FOCUS: Christ's Resurrection

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. Col 3: 1-4

Let’s take this “since” a little bit deeper… . Read the article linked to the right.

Reflect or journal about these questions

1) “Since” relates to being ‘raised with Christ’. What is the meaning of the metaphorical language? What does a raised “since” person do that a non-raised person doesn’t do?

2) “Since” resets our identity. What are the competing identities in most marriages?

3) “Since” is to shape your priorities and preoccupations. What is the difference in priorities between some one who “has ‘Since’” and someone without “Since”?

THIRD FOCUS: The unnatural

Setting:

Now let’s consider “setting”—where we are told to “set our hearts” and “set our minds”

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. Col 3: 1-4

1) It is not natural, normal or expected that our hearts and minds are “set” on things above…if it were we would not be told to do something that we already were doing. (There is no command/expectation in the Bible that we are to “drink lots of water”. We do that naturally—every time we are thirsty!) So…

If setting our hearts and minds on things above not natural—describe your and my natural state. In marriage, what is our default “setting”?

In the song attached (3 minutes), Andrew Peterson sings of a very “unnatural” heart. But you can see a different direction he is intending in his letter to his lover-friend…In what direction is his heart set?

FOURTH FOCUS:

Set your affection on Things Above

Setting:

Now let’s consider “setting”—where we are told to “set our hearts on things above… . Read the devotional ideas in the link to the right.

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. Col 3: 1-4

Ponder or journal about these things below.

1)To set our mind refers to our intentional and thoughtful plan.

2)It is to act by design rather than by happenstance. (Think here of Hannibal Smith who was made famous by the statement, “I love it when___________________________” )

3) Select one thing you will seek with “intention”-a set mind that you can do today. It is to be small, reachable, inexpensive and recognizable by your spouse as an unexpected surprise…Just 1 and just small.

FIFTH FOCUS: Since, Setting, Deceasing and Grace

Watch the first video

With humor!

There are three scenes of “conflict. With each scene identify as a couple the pain, defense and offense for him and her:

The Forgot the Anniversary Scene
The That is my mother’s favorite recipe Scene
The Good Night Scene

In a more realistic depiction…how is the marital conflict in this clip depicted by the couple…what would you suggest they do differently?

Then for the second video

They talk about better ways to “avoid the crazy cycle”…

Go back to the pain—defense cycle. Can you together map this couple’s pattern?

First watch the above video then the video below

SIXTH FOCUS: Clothe yourselves

Here is a fun story. A metaphor of the meaning of Since, Setting and Deceasing. Read the story linked to the right. Consider how the conduct of Tango fits who we all seek to become…

Col. 3 12b-14

…clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

In marriage we are much like Tango in the short story. In Col. 3, Paul instructs us to “clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” We are to put on these clothes—it is not our normal attire. It is not how we usually dress. These weeks we will focus together on dressing the part. We will submit ourselves to a way of being in relationship with the one you have promised to share a lifetime of love. We do these things differently than Tango pretending to be a police officer. In his case he was acting as though he were good in order to do bad—but he rejected his bad because of his new identity with the good. In our case, we are going to practice being good in order to alter bad patterns established over years…patterns formed even before we met our spouses. But because of our new clothes—our new identity—we are to dress differently, be different. We shall blow our whistle loud and long!

Vision Board Project

Create a vision board for your marriage. You can use a program, a Pinterest board, or a scrapbook. The main goal is to find things that represent the kind of character traits you want to have as a spouse.

Javier and Gina's rule of life (for inspiration)

We will commit to seeking God’s Kingdom first in all that we are and do. Our home will be a place where family, friends and guests find joy, comfort, peace and happiness. We will exercise wisdom in what we choose to eat, read and do in our home. We will learn to love another as we develop our own talents. We will exercise initiative in accomplishing our life’s goals. We will act on situations as opportunities, rather than to be acted upon. We will always try to keep ourselves free from addictive and destructive habits. We will develop habits that free us from old labels and limits and expand our capabilities and choices. Our money will be our servant, not our master. Our wants will be subject to our needs and means. We will honor God and choose to obey him every day of our lives.

Grace Together

CAST A VISION: WEEK 1